Of Mailboxes and Mystery Packages

A while back my mailbox got knocked down. Or was cut down. It was an oddly clean break for a knockdown but whatever, seeing as I’m only a vaguely functional adult and I live in a sketchy neighborhood with a shady mailman I figured it was easier just to get a PO Box than mess with putting it back up.
I shop online a lot but wasn’t sure how that would work and just assumed if packages were too big for my box (no pun intended) they would leave me a note or something saying to come to the desk. But no!! It’s much cooler than that. They put the large items in big lockers that are all over the Post Office and just put the key in your mailbox. Since I shop online quite frequently but only go to the Post Office once or twice a week there’s usually 2 or 3 keys my mailbox and since most of my shopping is done while I’m drunk it’s like a fun surprise and it ends up being like a life size advent calendar with me skipping around the Post Office to all the different boxes gathering my packages from behind different doors. Being irresponsible and lazy has a LOT of drawbacks but thankfully the USPS was prepared for my shit and this is really working out well for me.